Plyometrics, I hate your guts. The worst part about this is that after taking a pathetic, hectic, crazy, hot month off, I seriously feel like it's day 1 all over again. But I'll tell you something else. It felt amazing. I was in the best mood I've been in in weeks. I was dripping sweat, chugging water...man it felt good! I'm not sure if I should continue this blog. All of you who read this know pretty much everything about me and my insanity by now. Should I continue? Should I keep spilling my thoughts and feelings and insecurities all over the Internet?
I feel the insecurities creeping back up inside of me. I'm not strong enough, good enough....
I don't have the will. I don't have the drive. I'm too busy. Well, right now I'm writing a blog. Earlier I played on Pinterest for 35 minutes. Nah...I'm not too busy, I just choose to be lazy. Here's another thing. I do not have time to sit down and prepare a meal JUST FOR ME while still having to concentrate on feeding 4 other people. I'm just gonna eat whatever the heck I want. Within reason of course. I'm not gonna go out and buy McDonald's and dip it in Mac n Cheese if you were wondering. No, I'm going to limit my portions, drink lots of water and every time I find my face in my fridge out of sheer boredom, I'm gonna slam the door...right on my face. Would putting mousetraps in the chip bag be too extreme? Maybe I just won't buy them anymore....decisions, decisions.
I think more than anything I'm just going to have to suck it up and do it. I think my kids might actually thank me for it in the long run like, "Mom...remember way back when you were doing those workouts and you were actually nice to us and didn't yell all of the time?" Maybe that's a little dramatic, but we'll see!
I am so thankful for the family and friends I have. They teach me new things everyday. It's sad that some days I have to remind myself to be grateful and to remember little moments. Today Ryan was holding Lucy and they were flying a kite together and it was just beautiful. I don't want to forget moments like those. I don't want to get so consumed with myself and looking good and always worrying about what I'm eating that I forget to stop and stare at the things that matter. Sure, my health definitely matters, but not more than my children and my husband. I take care of myself FOR them, but my fitness doesn't define me. THEY define me and I desperately hope that one day they WILL look back and say, "Man, my mom was amazing."
Truth be told I don't know why I just wrote all of that. Maybe it's just the most prominent thing on my mind these days, to be grateful for what you have. A high school teacher once told me, "Don't sweat the small stuff." As in, I don't have to yell at Lucy 18 times to get her underwear on. I don't have to yell at Kara to pick up her room or do the dishes for the 300th time...well...maybe on the 300th time because seriously, it should only take 1 or 2. I seriously just need to chill and relax and stop controlling every little thing and worrying about every OTHER little thing. It's exhausting. THAT'S what I don't have time for. I DO have time to work out. I DO have time to play with the kids. I WILL have time, someday, to sit back and relax and enjoy a sunset with out the soundtrack of screaming, fighting children. And you know what else? Someday I'm really gonna miss this. Love what you have, when you have it. Embrace life and life's lessons. Maybe my lesson is just to let go...life is good....life is fine. Breathe in...breathe out...open eyes...conquer day.
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| This, right here, is my world and what I strive to keep for all time. |
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