Round 2....ish

Day one...again.

Plyometrics, I hate your guts. The worst part about this is that after taking a pathetic, hectic, crazy, hot month off, I seriously feel like it's day 1 all over again. But I'll tell you something else. It felt amazing. I was in the best mood I've been in in weeks.  I was dripping sweat, chugging water...man it felt good!  I'm not sure if I should continue this blog.  All of you who read this know pretty much everything about me and my insanity by now. Should I continue? Should I keep spilling my thoughts and feelings and insecurities all over the Internet?

I feel the insecurities creeping back up inside of me. I'm not strong enough, good enough....
I don't have the will. I don't have the drive. I'm too busy.  Well, right now I'm writing a blog. Earlier I played on Pinterest for 35 minutes.  Nah...I'm not too busy, I just choose to be lazy.  Here's another thing. I do not have time to sit down and prepare a meal JUST FOR ME while still having to concentrate on feeding 4 other people.  I'm just gonna eat whatever the heck I want. Within reason of course. I'm not gonna go out and buy McDonald's and dip it in Mac n Cheese if you were wondering. No, I'm going to limit my portions, drink lots of water and every time I find my face in my fridge out of sheer boredom, I'm gonna slam the door...right on my face.  Would putting mousetraps in the chip bag be too extreme? Maybe I just won't buy them anymore....decisions, decisions.

I think more than anything I'm just going to have to suck it up and do it. I think my kids might actually thank me for it in the long run like, "Mom...remember way back when you were doing those workouts and you were actually nice to us and didn't yell all of the time?"  Maybe that's a little dramatic, but we'll see!

I am so thankful for the family and friends I have. They teach me new things everyday. It's sad that some days I have to remind myself to be grateful and to remember little moments. Today Ryan was holding Lucy and they were flying a kite together and it was just beautiful. I don't want to forget moments like those. I don't want to get so consumed with myself and looking good and always worrying about what I'm eating that I forget to stop and stare at the things that matter.  Sure, my health definitely matters, but not more than my children and my husband.  I take care of myself FOR them, but my fitness doesn't define me. THEY define me and I desperately hope that one day they WILL look back and say, "Man, my mom was amazing."

Truth be told I don't know why I just wrote all of that. Maybe it's just the most prominent thing on my mind these days, to be grateful for what you have.  A high school teacher once told me, "Don't sweat the small stuff." As in, I don't have to yell at Lucy 18 times to get her underwear on.  I don't have to yell at Kara to pick up her room or do the dishes for the 300th time...well...maybe on the 300th time because seriously, it should only take 1 or 2. I seriously just need to chill and relax and stop controlling every little thing and worrying about every OTHER little thing. It's exhausting. THAT'S what I don't have time for. I DO have time to work out. I DO have time to play with the kids. I WILL have time, someday, to sit back and relax and enjoy a sunset with out the soundtrack of screaming, fighting children.  And you know what else? Someday I'm really gonna miss this.  Love what you have, when you have it. Embrace life and life's lessons. Maybe my lesson is just to let go...life is good....life is fine.  Breathe in...breathe out...open eyes...conquer day.

This, right here, is my world and what I strive to keep for all time.

It's a pity party, and everyone's invited!

I've got to tell you all that I haven't felt very good these last few weeks.  I feel like I've totally lost my drive, my will, and dedication.  I feel terrible, I've been eating terribly and my mood hasn't been the greatest.  I've been totally unwilling to get my workout clothes on and get something done. I'd like to blame it on the heat, but I know that it's just me being lazy.  I think I've lost my accountability.  Gosh, this blog really makes me seem bi-polar. One week I'm fantastic and I feel great and I'm totally motivated, and the next time you hear from me it's totally opposite.

I've spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks wishing for things that I don't have.   I wish I had new furniture, new towels, new clothes, new dishes, etc.  I haven't been very grateful for the things I do have lately.  I feel as though I'm seriously lacking in just about every aspect of my life.  And I think more than anything, getting to write everything down and "vent" helps me with my own frustrations and insecurities. Somehow getting my problems out, whether you want to read them or not, helps me re-inspire myself.  So, as this one isn't really about my fitness or health, you can choose to keep reading, or go back to Pinterest ;) 

I have spent a good portion of my life and time comparing my life to those around me. Secretly of course. Sometimes it slips through in a comment like, "I wish my hair would look as cute as hers," or "I wish I could decorate my house like that," etc.  But most of the time I keep it to myself.  There are times when I try really hard to justify my feelings/wants without much success because I know that there are things that some people have worked very hard for. Then there are things that I feel come "easily" and "naturally" to other people. Things in which I will probably never acquire.  I have this friend. She is an AMAZING artist, an amazingly sweet, caring soul, a marathon runner AND an all around good person and friend and she says I'm inspiring?? I should be so lucky to be more like her. She has worked for everything she has. Not many people can say that. I certainly can't. She is more of an inspiration to me than I could ever hope to be for anyone else!  She has always been herself and always stuck to what she's believed in and has rocked it.  I've been trying too hard to be someone else my whole life and here I sit at age 30 just wondering what in the heck I'm really trying to accomplish.

I never finished college, I never have a clean enough house, my kids are never well-enough behaved, I'm never dressed well or done up.  I still sit and talk like an awkward teenager. I still cry over the stupidest things and I even feel self conscious having a conversation with my sister because I'm afraid I'll use the wrong grammar or spell something wrong in front of her. I never feel pretty enough and even when I do, I let dumb little comments get to me and it goes right out the window.  I'm always aware that someone may be looking at me and judging me. And as I sit here and cry to myself over all of the things that I am not, I keep telling myself (hoping it will make me feel better,) that I am human.  This is just about as sorry as I've felt for myself in a long time and I guess it's OK.

I guess it's OK because I know that tomorrow is a brand new day and even at 3 pm, there's still plenty of hours left in the day to turn my attitude around, wipe my tears and get over it.  Setbacks are setbacks and yes, they're frustrating and sometimes they feel like they really put the breaks on life. I kinda sorta hate this phrase--->Take life one day at a time. How the hell else am I supposed to take life?? Every single day happens for a reason and I can either take it or take it.  You read that right.  There's not really any other option, right?  I can handle each day as I'm going to be able to handle it and you know what?  Every terrible day I've ever had in my whole life.....I've made it through.  I'm still here.

There are really a lot of days where I get annoyed having to tell myself, "Just be grateful that..." or "I can be thankful for...." Sometimes I just don't want to hear it from myself.  Deep breath.  OK, was that enough ranting? Was there enough raving?  Do you feel sorry for me? I hope you don't because I don't deserve it.  I can change every single stupid thing I've complained about here and I know I'm just being a defeatist and being a lazy pile.  I have every opportunity to be happy and to fix the things I think are a problem.

I may not have a lot of money to go out and buy new everything, but even if I did, would I be happy? Would those materialistic things make me truly happy?  Maybe for a time, but guess what? New things get old too.  Eventually my new things will get the wear and tear of life on them and they won't be so impressive anymore.  I will tell you the things that make me truly happy (maybe I can really convince myself today too :)

#1. My husband. He's all mine and I'm all his.
#2. My naughty, stinky, screaming, crying, insane, hysterical, wild, crazy little hilarious toddler. She makes me grateful that she has such a strong personality because I know she'll do just fine in life.
#3. My beautiful, strong, up and coming independent, amazing pre-teen. Her strength and conviction and caring soul is exactly what the world needs right now.
#4. My cuddly, beautiful, loving little boy. He truly makes me feel needed.
#5. Watching these 3 crazy kids truly enjoy life, learn and grow everyday. They are healthy and happy.
#6. Music. Self explanatory
#7. My faults. No one is perfect, why should I expect to be?

There are many more, but these are really the most important.  So here I go, off to clean my messy house.  Life is not perfect, nor do I believe that it's supposed to be. A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor. I'm not a good parent because my kids are easy. I'm a good parent because I have learned how to deal with 3 VERY different, awesome personalities. I am not a good wife because I think I need to do whatever my husband wants WHEN he wants, but because I can stand up for myself, live with and love his faults and appreciate all of the hard work and dedication/devotion he shows us.

Life will go on and it's just up to me to make it the way I want it.  I realize this has been long, and a little drawn out, but I truly appreciate you reading this, sticking with me and hopefully still loving me for who I truly am.  You are all way more inspiring than I could ever be and I am grateful.

60 days is up!

OK guys. 60 days is up. Did I work out for 60 days? No. I still have two weeks worth of workouts to do! I think between the sickness, the heat, having company and other little things I went a little astray. I would rather come clean and let you all know that no, I didn't finish within the 60 days, but I sure do plan on kicking my butt and getting it done!! I was definitely thrown off course by getting sick and I feel so guilty that I didn't actually finish within the time frame. I will however, continue now that life is back to normal!

I will say however, that I did run my SECOND 5K race on Saturday and did way better than I thought I would! I ran it in 35:10 which is  about 2:30 seconds faster than my first 5K. Here's the proof (as silly as it is!! So glad thousands of people get to see this photo LOL!)

This is hilarious. I totally knew the photographer was there and I tried to smile all cute and charming and this is what I got. Maybe I should have gone for serious and determined?? Who knows, I probably would've looked like Gollum had I gone that route!  At least I was having fun! I didn't quit. I didn't stop and I finished better than I thought I would, so that right there is enough.

As far as Insanity goes. It's been a life-changing 60 days.  I have gone through such a wide array of emotions just with this one program that it's easy to look back now and say, "Ah, it wasn't a big deal." But it was. It was/is a huge deal. I finally discovered all of the amazing things my body could do with just a little pushing! I remembered how to feel. I remembered why I am important.  I found my "why."  I am not an athlete, but I am human. I feel, I love, I loathe, I self-critique, I celebrate.  I didn't quite earn the title of "Insaniac" yet, but I will.  It's taken awhile to realize that I'm OK.  My sister and I were talking a month or two ago about not getting obsessed and if it's ever going to be enough.  It's enough that I am that much closer to where I want to be. It's enough that I care. It's enough that I feel good enough to not constantly think about how my body looks.  It's so easy to over-analyze and criticize the way I look.  And then I remember, who even really cares besides me? I don't have a single soul on earth to impress.  I'm very happily married. I have 3 beautiful children.  I'm set for life!  I care about my health for my family.  I care about myself and fitness because it makes me happy and helps me relieve daily stress.  And yes, as much as I love my life, it's stressful.  So as far as two weeks worth of Max Interval/Max Cardio/Max Plyo workouts go, I'm good to go.  So as promised (and as embarrassing as this is going to be,) I have some "final" results to post! Here goes.....
I lost 5 pounds
I lost  1 1/2" off of my arms
I lost 1 1/2" off of my waist
I lost 2" off of my hips
I lost 1/2" off of my thighs
and I lost 3 1/2" off of my chest.  That's a total of 9 inches since I started Insanity. My weight has fluctuated quite a bit and I will tell you that even though the numbers don't sound that impressive, I have definitely toned up. It is evident that I build muscle super fast!  Had I finished the last two weeks, my numbers I'm SURE would be better, but these are after taking 2 weeks off.  So, here are my before and after photos. Please try not to regurgitate. And if you do, please don't tell me LOL!
Drum roll please!!!!

Before, taken approx April 25, 2012

After, taken July 9th, 2012

So there ya have it folks.  This does not mean that my journey has ended, it has just begun.  I need to maintain this outlook on life if I really want to succeed! I am happier, healthier and I know now that my body is capable of incredible things, both physically and emotionally. 

Insanity Round 2....bring it on.