DISCLAIMER: I am super sick with an upper respiratory infection. I cannot breathe, speak or sleep comfortably therefor I missed Saturdays workout and I might miss today's. :( Having said that, I want you to know that this is the longest I've gone without exercise in 6 weeks! It's killing me! Its making me feel guilty and useless and I really DO need that release to feel energized and better about everything.
OK, so going back to the work outs that I've been doing. These max workouts that I've been doing are not necessarily harder than all of the previous ones, it's that they're so much longer. With the previous ones, 35-40 minutes and you're done and exhausted. With these ones its more like, "Wait...I STILL have 30 minutes to go!?" That's when you really need to start digging deeper (as Shaun T likes to say.) You really have to start pushing yourself and I have felt more than once this week that I've only been giving it 50% because of blah blah blah....you know what? I've been giving it MY 100%. I've pushed play everyday. I've finished these super long, exhausting workouts and you know what else? I'm sore. My ribs and stomach are sore. Because it's working. The weight I think at this point is maintaining and my fat is being turned into muscle. My inches are kinda staying the same, but I can tell that they are leaner and way more defined. My stomach is starting to form. My legs are very lean and muscular, my arms are bangin' (you like that?) I've got a serious gun show over here.
I think the part that is the hardest for me at this point is still getting over my self-doubt. I still see a heavy girl in the mirror some days. I still get super self conscious wearing certain things. I still feel like I'm not good enough some days. There are some days I seriously think that people are looking at me like I'm trying too hard to fit in. We are our own worst critics. There are days that I really want to just give up....today is one of them. I feel like this infection has really put a halt on my motivation and drive. What if I can never get back into it because I'm taking time off. (I guess instead of time, I should say 2 workouts.) I don't want to miss anymore workouts but I physically cannot do them. As soon as I start breathing harder, I start coughing like crazy and it really does hurt:(
This sounds so negative. Sorry! I guess maybe I just feel like if I don't stay consistent with my workouts, then I'm cheating. Which is dumb I guess because if I cannot do the workouts, I can't cheat...maybe that didn't come out right? OK, so enough with the negativity. I'm going to tell you all what I did this week that was a big step for me!
I hiked the M. All the way. For the first time in 10 years. Is anyone impressed? Buhler? For those of you who don't know what the "M" is, it's a huge cement "M" on the side of Mount Sentinel. For example.....
So there ya have it folks. That's whats up with me. PS, I'd love to have more comments/feedback about this whole thing if you're interested! Let me hear you! And one more picture that I think is a great reminder for all of us having self doubts and worries......
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