So on Friday night after work, I walked into the house and I said, "It smells weird in here! Did you cook something? It smells like burned rubber or something." Ryan said, "Nope, I dont' know what you mean." I let it go. I mentioned that I was going to meet my friend Erin at the Farmers Market the next morning and that I would take the kids so Ryan could go on the bike ride he'd been talking about. He kinda looked at me a little sheepishly and said, "Oh really? I thought we could maybe hang out tomorrow morning." Then he led me down the hall and opened the back bedroom door and there was my mothers day present:
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Last night, after an amazing mothers day and lots of food that I "don't eat anymore," I had to work out. I had to. If I skipped one day, I'm gonna skip two, then three and I'll have given up before I know it. Put my workout clothes on, VERY reluctantly, got the kids in bed and shooed my husband away. Ooooo mama was it hard. I was dripping sweat by the first set of stretching. Granted, it was pretty warm in our place last night, but I know it was mostly because I was working hard. I took a few extra breaks when my body just couldn't do it anymore. I threw up a little once...TMI? I had about 7 minutes left and I was just so ready to stop, I was so tired. Ryan walked out and all he said, quietly, was, "Good job honey. Don't give up! I'm proud of you!" I immediately started to cry, but it kept me going. As soon as that last second was up, I sat down and cried. For like 5 minutes I cried. Now, Ryan is an amazing husband and father, but he usually doesn't really say things like that. Not because he's mean or anything, but because I usually know that he's proud of me. But to hear it outloud, something in me clicked. I took a long hot bath (the first in about 3 months) and thought about my life. I have been given SO many gifts, blessings, opportunities. How many of those have I let pass by? How many times have I really used my gifts? How many of those blessings have I really given thanks for? After my bath, I crawled into bed. Ryan was still playing a game and I re-read my Mothers Day cards. I am so incredibly blessed. Tears started to pour again. I was so happy. Happy that I have 3 incredible kids that adore me. Happy that I have a husband who loves me unconditionally and is so supportive. Happy that for once I'm not letting an opportunity pass me by. Happy that I've been given a body that is healthy. Just purely happy.
Mothers Day comes once a year where it's "celebrated." You know what? Mothers Day is everyday in my home. Everyday I get the opportunity to spend time with my children. Everyday I get to clean up messes, wipe boogers, change diapers, pick up the food on the floor for the millionth time and you knwo what? I wouldn't have it any other way. I have the most amazing job in the world. As much as they cry and whine and grab and push and pull....I wouldnt' change a thing. Children are the purest thing in this world. Their emotions and totally pure and un-corrupted. If you want a cookie, you want a damn cookie. If you want your mom, you want your mom NOW dangit!
I can already say that Insanity has changed my life. I never thought I had this kind of will and drive. I never realized that a workout video could change my outlook on life. It is incredible how internal this drive has gone. This is probably the dumbest comparison you've ever heard, but do you all remember the Care Bears? Remember the Care Bear Stare? How it comes out of their chests in a big beam of whatever kind of bear they are? That's almost what it's like. Not literally of course because that would REALLY be somethin, but metaphorically. It's like this drive just pours from my chest and conquers all of my doubts and fears. Next time I'm working out and I want to give up I'm gonna yell, "Care Bear STAAAAAAAAAAARRE!" and if I'm not laughing too hard, I will finish.
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| Care Bear Stare! |
So my friends, if you are having doubts that its just not working for you, don't give up. Please don't give up. If you really love yourself, you won't. Next time you're feeling down, yell it. I don't care how silly it is. It means that your heart is stronger than your brain. When your brain is telling you to stop and give up, let your heart take over. If anything, you'll get a good laugh out of it! Go buy yourself a little Care Bear...whichever one you want.
You probably all think I'm totally nuts now, and yes the whole Care Bear thing is silly and a little stupid, but I think I've made my point. Let it come from deep inside. Once that little seed is planted, you have to nurture it and tend to it to help it grow.
Abruptly the poker of memory stirs the ashes of recollection and uncovers a forgotten ember, still smoldering down there, still hot, still glowing, still red as red.” -William Manchester
This is my message today. Stoke the fire!
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