By Comparison....Day 5

I cried this morning...hard. Yesterday I felt amazing. I was at the mall and found a dress I felt beautiful in. Not only did I feel beautiful, the dress is 4 sizes smaller than what I've been wearing for over 4 years. Today though, I got up at 5:30, ate a piece of wheat toast with peanut butter and an apple and stretched for a few minutes before starting Pure Cardio. By mid warm-up I was already tired and needing a break. About 15 minutes in I paused it, sat down and sobbed. I didn't really know why. Was it because I was still tired? Was it because I'm so sore? Then it hit me. I'm not as good as the people in the video. I can't keep up. I've got mom flab bouncing around and in some exercises, I have to hold my chest down. TMI? Probably, but it's the truth.  I am not an athlete. Never have been, probably never will be. Do I want to be an athlete? Nope.  Do I want to go for a hike without stopping to rest every 5 minutes? Yup. I have to admit that after 5 days of eating clean and lean and working out hard, I haven't dropped a single pound. I know I shouldn't care, and maybe I'm contradicting myself here, but I do care.  I don't care about being a hottie with a naughty body (picked up that phrase from my brother.) I don't care about bikini's and short shorts. I want the self confidence to put on an outfit, say "OK" and not feel like I need to tuck or adjust or hide anything.

So what's my problem? My problem is that I'm comparing myself to #1. A fitness professional and #2. The super-fit athletes in the video. Why on EARTH would I do that!? These people weren't born all muscled and fit. THEY worked for it and they are fit and in shape and totally capable of intense exercise. I'M on my 5th day. So seriously? C'mon, I'm better than that to get discouraged because I can't keep up. You know what I've been good at so far this week? Not quitting. Not shutting it off. Putting on my work out clothes. Eating well. Staying positive and as Shawn T says, "Digging deeper."

So no, I'm not here to complain and make you feel sorry for me. I don't care what other excuses I may have to not exercise. It just has to get done and be part of my day. I'm thinking that 6 am is NOT an ideal time for me. I think I do better mid-morning like I've been doing. And you know what else? My body doesn't really know WHAT I'm doing to it right now and I have to remember that it needs to catch up. The weight will come off, the work outs will get a teence easier, I won't be as sore next week. I just have to keep at it. I'm done comparing myself to others. I've spent my whole life trying to make other people happy and SO worried about what OTHER people thought of me and if OTHER people like me. Guess what? I don't care anymore. I want ME to like me. And I do.

                                                 There is a light at the end of this tunnel!